I remember my first trip to Target when I got home from Africa. It was on the way home from the Atlanta airport. I needed deodorant and wanted to brush my teeth-ASAP (b/c of my emergency exit I left all the necessities of life behind).
Standing on the deodorant isle, I looked at my sister and told her to just pick something. There were way too many choices. We'd be there all day. Same thing for the toothbrush and toothpaste.
Funny how I still get that same feeling every time. Sensory overload. Take yesterday for example. A day when I really couldn't afford anything besides what I went for.
Things I found that I do not need:
a really cool girly black trench coat
eyeshadow
club chair??
dishes
swimsuit
deep conditioner for my hair
Things I needed but couldn't find:
pants in my size: khaki or black
short sleeve polo: white or black
toothbrush: small and soft (which apparently is an anomaly)
Things I made it out of the store with:
mouthwash
mascara
toothbrush (soft, but not small)
giant bottle of Tylenol
face cream
a sense of pride for only buying what I came for
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
in wrath remember mercy
I finished reading the book on Humility I mentioned earlier. The last chapter, or at least the last one that truly applied to me, since I don't have children, was about Humility in Suffering. Mahaney focused on the Prophet Habakkuk. Truly eye opening. Especially when I combine that with the sermon from Brook Hills last Sunday about being desperate for the Spirit.
I started really studying Habakkuk to glean as much as I can from these few short chapters. First of all, I was reminded of a verse we use joyfully, when in reality the Lord was foretelling the destruction that would come to Israel by the Chaldeans ( aka Babylonians).
1.5 Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded.
For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told.
Granted, the Lord promises deliverance, I just don't think this verse is as cheery as we make it sound.
Second, Habakkuk was really complaining. And sounds quite prideful as he waits for the Lord to respond.
2.1 I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint.
Now, I really don't know what he was thinking, but if I said that, I know it would be a prideful comment.
Third, the Lord continually reminds Him who He is, and that He will be glorified.
2.4 . . . but the righteous shall live by his faith.
2.14 For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.
2.20 But the Lord is in his holy temple, let all the earth keep silence before him.
Fourth, Habakkuk's whole outlook changes in Chapter 3. Several things strike me here.
O Lord, I have heard the report of you, and your work, O Lord, do I fear.
In the midst of the years revive it; in the midst of the years make it known;
in wrath remember mercy.
You went out for the salvation of your people, for the salvation of your anointed.
Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble. . .
In wrath remember mercy. This has been on repeat in my head. The implications, really too great for me to grasp right now.
It really goes back to the book, and the sermon. I've realized the last few months that my focus has been so totally wrong. My response to this trial has not been what I hope it will be next time. I've been praying and I've been desperate. But for the wrong things. I've been praying and desperate for His gifts, for Him to act.
When what I really need,
more than the right job,
the right place,
school,
even food
and breath,
is HIM;
and for His glory to be evident through my life.
Today is a new day. Today, I hope to learn what it means to "live by faith." To trust, with no time lines, no agenda, only hope.
How far less the greatest afflictions that we meet with in this world. . . than we have deserved!
Jonathan Edwards
In the darkest night of our soul, we have something to hold on to that Job never knew. We know Christ crucified. Christians have learned that when there seems to be no other evidence of God's love, they cannot escape the cross.
D.A. Carson
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the LORD, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.
Habakkuk 3.17-19
Because what's perplexing is not that you and I encounter suffering in this life; what's really perplexing is that He suffered in our place.
C.J. Mahaney
I started really studying Habakkuk to glean as much as I can from these few short chapters. First of all, I was reminded of a verse we use joyfully, when in reality the Lord was foretelling the destruction that would come to Israel by the Chaldeans ( aka Babylonians).
1.5 Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded.
For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told.
Granted, the Lord promises deliverance, I just don't think this verse is as cheery as we make it sound.
Second, Habakkuk was really complaining. And sounds quite prideful as he waits for the Lord to respond.
2.1 I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint.
Now, I really don't know what he was thinking, but if I said that, I know it would be a prideful comment.
Third, the Lord continually reminds Him who He is, and that He will be glorified.
2.4 . . . but the righteous shall live by his faith.
2.14 For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.
2.20 But the Lord is in his holy temple, let all the earth keep silence before him.
Fourth, Habakkuk's whole outlook changes in Chapter 3. Several things strike me here.
O Lord, I have heard the report of you, and your work, O Lord, do I fear.
In the midst of the years revive it; in the midst of the years make it known;
in wrath remember mercy.
You went out for the salvation of your people, for the salvation of your anointed.
Yet I will quietly wait for the day of trouble. . .
In wrath remember mercy. This has been on repeat in my head. The implications, really too great for me to grasp right now.
It really goes back to the book, and the sermon. I've realized the last few months that my focus has been so totally wrong. My response to this trial has not been what I hope it will be next time. I've been praying and I've been desperate. But for the wrong things. I've been praying and desperate for His gifts, for Him to act.
When what I really need,
more than the right job,
the right place,
school,
even food
and breath,
is HIM;
and for His glory to be evident through my life.
Today is a new day. Today, I hope to learn what it means to "live by faith." To trust, with no time lines, no agenda, only hope.
How far less the greatest afflictions that we meet with in this world. . . than we have deserved!
Jonathan Edwards
In the darkest night of our soul, we have something to hold on to that Job never knew. We know Christ crucified. Christians have learned that when there seems to be no other evidence of God's love, they cannot escape the cross.
D.A. Carson
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the LORD, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.
Habakkuk 3.17-19
Because what's perplexing is not that you and I encounter suffering in this life; what's really perplexing is that He suffered in our place.
C.J. Mahaney
Monday, January 21, 2008
His Perfect Patience
I'm thankful. Thankful that His mercies are new every morning. Thankful each night as I lay my head down that I get to start again.
Next time my head leaves this pillow I'll do better. Love Him more. Show His grace and mercy to those in need.
But I usually don't. I end up flat on my face again. Tripping over my own sins as I run to Him. Run back to Him.
How can one day go so wrong? How can a heart set on the Father get so far? And in just a few hours?
And , He takes me back every time. Because He is the grace and mercy I try to give. The Love I so feebly attempt to live my life for.
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.
1 Timothy 1.15,16
Next time my head leaves this pillow I'll do better. Love Him more. Show His grace and mercy to those in need.
But I usually don't. I end up flat on my face again. Tripping over my own sins as I run to Him. Run back to Him.
How can one day go so wrong? How can a heart set on the Father get so far? And in just a few hours?
And , He takes me back every time. Because He is the grace and mercy I try to give. The Love I so feebly attempt to live my life for.
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.
1 Timothy 1.15,16
10 years and a lifetime of sadness
10 years ago today
my life changed forever.
10 years ago today
I learned what it means
that He's the Father to the fatherless.
because. . .
10 years ago today
my Daddy died.
I remember like it was yesterday.
The pain still so real.
His presence, that kept me at peace.
People tell me I'm strong.
But what they don't know is
deep inside
in the part of me that I don't show the world very often
I'm just a little girl who misses her Daddy.
In my heart, I'm so thankful.
Thankful for what the Lord has done in my life since that day.
Thankful that it helped me become the person I am now.
The person I hope would make my Daddy proud.
I love you, Daddy.
my life changed forever.
10 years ago today
I learned what it means
that He's the Father to the fatherless.
because. . .
10 years ago today
my Daddy died.
I remember like it was yesterday.
The pain still so real.
His presence, that kept me at peace.
People tell me I'm strong.
But what they don't know is
deep inside
in the part of me that I don't show the world very often
I'm just a little girl who misses her Daddy.
In my heart, I'm so thankful.
Thankful for what the Lord has done in my life since that day.
Thankful that it helped me become the person I am now.
The person I hope would make my Daddy proud.
I love you, Daddy.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Snow on the Square
a view of "the square"
pretty!
still snowing a little
me and Crys
Crys and JP
me and Crys again
a first house memory for Crys and JP
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Waiting Game in Sweet Virginia
Some things I've noticed or learned since I've been here in "Sweet Virginia"
1. Hurricane Evacuation Routes
2. Norfolk and Suffolk, two nearby cities, are pronounced Norf*** and Suff***
Bizarre.
3. To get anywhere in this area you take I-64, I-264, I-464, or I-664.
Confused yet?
The other day I took I-64 to exit 264 onto I-664. Really?
I can say from personal experience that asking how to get to 64 (not 264) can get your really lost!
4. Speed limits on these interstates: 55
5. Fine for speeding 20 mph over the limit: $1000
(BTW-20 mph over here is just about the flow of traffic in B'ham, so I'm getting used to driving much slower)
6. So many bridges that it's easy to end up on the wrong one.
I still don't know how you figure out you are on the wrong one when they are ALL SURROUNDED BY WATER!
7. Also, lots of tunnels under the water-where you lose the radio but keep cell service?
8. Apparently they have to name their malls after famous people-Patrick Henry, MacArthur Center anyone?
Anyways. . .
Today I woke up feeling. . . depressed.
All this waiting.
I have two really good prospects.
One I'm way more interested in-actually it's at the organization I've wanted to work for since I got home from Africa.
The other, at an organization that the Lord just opened up an opportunity with.
But there's still so much waiting.
For someone to call.
Anyone really.
I need something to fill my days with.
I've been spending a lot of time in the gym.
But there's only so many hours a week you can treat your body like that
before it starts screaming in rebellion.
1. Hurricane Evacuation Routes
2. Norfolk and Suffolk, two nearby cities, are pronounced Norf*** and Suff***
Bizarre.
3. To get anywhere in this area you take I-64, I-264, I-464, or I-664.
Confused yet?
The other day I took I-64 to exit 264 onto I-664. Really?
I can say from personal experience that asking how to get to 64 (not 264) can get your really lost!
4. Speed limits on these interstates: 55
5. Fine for speeding 20 mph over the limit: $1000
(BTW-20 mph over here is just about the flow of traffic in B'ham, so I'm getting used to driving much slower)
6. So many bridges that it's easy to end up on the wrong one.
I still don't know how you figure out you are on the wrong one when they are ALL SURROUNDED BY WATER!
7. Also, lots of tunnels under the water-where you lose the radio but keep cell service?
8. Apparently they have to name their malls after famous people-Patrick Henry, MacArthur Center anyone?
Anyways. . .
Today I woke up feeling. . . depressed.
All this waiting.
I have two really good prospects.
One I'm way more interested in-actually it's at the organization I've wanted to work for since I got home from Africa.
The other, at an organization that the Lord just opened up an opportunity with.
But there's still so much waiting.
For someone to call.
Anyone really.
I need something to fill my days with.
I've been spending a lot of time in the gym.
But there's only so many hours a week you can treat your body like that
before it starts screaming in rebellion.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
a little bit of humility
So. . . I've been reading CJ Mahaney's book Humility: true greatness.
As I began to read, I found myself praying for the Lord to reveal areas where I'm prideful. Not the first time I've prayed this prayer. . .
But you know what I heard myself say to the Lord?
That the things I'm prideful about are things that don't really matter.
The Bible says that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Lord, change my heart!!
What was I thinking?
Pride comes before a fall, right?
Not big pride before a fall,
and small pride doesn't matter.
ALL PRIDE
". . .pride seems to have a strange and sure way of ignoring logic all together."
God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
James 4.6
As I began to read, I found myself praying for the Lord to reveal areas where I'm prideful. Not the first time I've prayed this prayer. . .
But you know what I heard myself say to the Lord?
That the things I'm prideful about are things that don't really matter.
The Bible says that out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
Lord, change my heart!!
What was I thinking?
Pride comes before a fall, right?
Not big pride before a fall,
and small pride doesn't matter.
ALL PRIDE
". . .pride seems to have a strange and sure way of ignoring logic all together."
God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
James 4.6
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Right where I am. . .
“The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man."
- G.K. Chesterton
Yep, that pretty much sums it up!
- G.K. Chesterton
Yep, that pretty much sums it up!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Another door closed
It's late. . .
I know.
But I'm just now getting around to putting 2007 into words. And I think I'm late because it's not easy.
The first 6 months were not easy, but I made it through them-wedding events sprinkled in there brought several joyful moments.
The last 6 months, I had no idea what I was in for. A valley like I've never walked through before. Of course there were highs, no mountaintops, but moments-moments where I realized who my Father is, who I am, what all of this is about. And then things would crash again-wondering if He's really there, does he really care, will he ever rescue me.
But I'll stay in this valley, as long as He wants. And I'll keep praying. Keep praising. Keep remembering His faithfulness so far.
I remember some song lyrics:
Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first
2007 was hard. And I have no idea what 2008 has in store. But I'm looking forward to Jesus. Jesus in my life in a way He couldn't have been without these past few months. And I'm waiting, expecting the sun to break through the clouds. Just like it does on those cold winter days.
YEAR'S END-from Valley of Vision
O LOVE BEYOND COMPARE,
Thou are good when thou givest,
when thou takest away,
when the sun shines up on me,
when night gathers over me.
Thou hast loved me before the foundation of the world,
and in love didst redeem my soul;
Thou dost love me still,
in spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.
Thy goodness has been with me during another year,
leading me through a twisting wilderness,
in retreat helping me to advance,
when beaten back making sure headway.
They goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw up anchor,
With thee as the blessed Pilot of my future as of my past.
I bless thee that thou hast veiled my eyes to the waters ahead.
If thou hast appointed storms of tribulation,
thou wilt be with me in them;
If I have to pass through tempests of persecution and temptation,
I shall not drown;
If I am to die,
I shall see they face sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot, grant me grace that my faith fail not;
If I am to be cast aside from the service I love,
I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify thyself in me whether in comfort or trial,
as a chosen vessel meet always
for thy use.
I know.
But I'm just now getting around to putting 2007 into words. And I think I'm late because it's not easy.
The first 6 months were not easy, but I made it through them-wedding events sprinkled in there brought several joyful moments.
The last 6 months, I had no idea what I was in for. A valley like I've never walked through before. Of course there were highs, no mountaintops, but moments-moments where I realized who my Father is, who I am, what all of this is about. And then things would crash again-wondering if He's really there, does he really care, will he ever rescue me.
But I'll stay in this valley, as long as He wants. And I'll keep praying. Keep praising. Keep remembering His faithfulness so far.
I remember some song lyrics:
Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first
2007 was hard. And I have no idea what 2008 has in store. But I'm looking forward to Jesus. Jesus in my life in a way He couldn't have been without these past few months. And I'm waiting, expecting the sun to break through the clouds. Just like it does on those cold winter days.
YEAR'S END-from Valley of Vision
O LOVE BEYOND COMPARE,
Thou are good when thou givest,
when thou takest away,
when the sun shines up on me,
when night gathers over me.
Thou hast loved me before the foundation of the world,
and in love didst redeem my soul;
Thou dost love me still,
in spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.
Thy goodness has been with me during another year,
leading me through a twisting wilderness,
in retreat helping me to advance,
when beaten back making sure headway.
They goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw up anchor,
With thee as the blessed Pilot of my future as of my past.
I bless thee that thou hast veiled my eyes to the waters ahead.
If thou hast appointed storms of tribulation,
thou wilt be with me in them;
If I have to pass through tempests of persecution and temptation,
I shall not drown;
If I am to die,
I shall see they face sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot, grant me grace that my faith fail not;
If I am to be cast aside from the service I love,
I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify thyself in me whether in comfort or trial,
as a chosen vessel meet always
for thy use.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello
So, this post is loooong overdue. But I just haven't been motivated to get on here and try to put whats been going on down on paper. Today I'm making myself so time doesn't get too far gone.
The trip here was thankfully very uneventful. Other than the guy in North Carolina that almost killed us because I wasn't going fast enough for him in the fast lane. It didn't seem to bother him that there was no other lane for me to move into at that point. He just kept flashing those lights (which by the way, we don't do in Alabama-culture shock before I even got here) and tailgating-which I totally can't stand.
Either way, uneventful or not, 12 hours of driving is a LONG way. Every time we would cross a state line I would shot for joy-surprised I didn't bruise my mom hitting her out of excitement :)
Christmas in Virginia was great. Christmas day was really quiet, but the rest of the week we got out and did a little sightseeing.
my mom at the site of their house in Norfolk when she was born
the Navy Base where my mom was born
on our drive back-apparently we were on the wrong bridge
I don't know how you know when there's water everywhere!!
the fam on Christmas day
Crys and I
Mum and I at Yorktown Battlefield
Crys at Aroma's-making our own S'mores
it got a little messy!
Crystal, Mum and I at Yorktown Beach
at THE GRATE STEAK-grilling our own steaks over the charcoal!
the finished product-yum. . .
Since my mom left its been pretty quiet. Although I did take a trip over the water and managed to see way more of the area on the way home than I planned to. . .
The trip here was thankfully very uneventful. Other than the guy in North Carolina that almost killed us because I wasn't going fast enough for him in the fast lane. It didn't seem to bother him that there was no other lane for me to move into at that point. He just kept flashing those lights (which by the way, we don't do in Alabama-culture shock before I even got here) and tailgating-which I totally can't stand.
Either way, uneventful or not, 12 hours of driving is a LONG way. Every time we would cross a state line I would shot for joy-surprised I didn't bruise my mom hitting her out of excitement :)
Christmas in Virginia was great. Christmas day was really quiet, but the rest of the week we got out and did a little sightseeing.
my mom at the site of their house in Norfolk when she was born
the Navy Base where my mom was born
on our drive back-apparently we were on the wrong bridge
I don't know how you know when there's water everywhere!!
the fam on Christmas day
Crys and I
Mum and I at Yorktown Battlefield
Crys at Aroma's-making our own S'mores
it got a little messy!
Crystal, Mum and I at Yorktown Beach
at THE GRATE STEAK-grilling our own steaks over the charcoal!
the finished product-yum. . .
Since my mom left its been pretty quiet. Although I did take a trip over the water and managed to see way more of the area on the way home than I planned to. . .
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