and miles to go before I sleep

on learning to wait

2012-01-09T23:35:00.002Z

have you guys heard about oneword365 ?

its that time of year when we make resolutions right?

you know...

this year i'll lose that 10 lbs.

this year i'll start my own business.

this year i'll read through the bible. twice.

this year i'll get the job of my dreams.

this year i'll run that marathon.

this year i'll find the perfect pair of boots.

you know...all things that sound just fantastic.

but how long do these great plans last? really?

for me its usually about 10 minutes into January 1st.

but what if i planned to do just one thing. to focus on just one thing. all year. something that could have the power to change my life. something that could have the power to set me free.

what if i make my resolution one word.

one word to remember day in and day out for 365 days.

my one word for this year is:

wait

sounds easy, right? (we'll talk later about what a failure i am already)

you guys may not have this problem. but one of my major flaws is that i'm always looking forward to the next thing. never sitting still. never just living. always wanting to get to the next thing. convinced that whatever that thing is will be better than now.

so, i've decided to spend this next year waiting. this won't mean inaction. just a focus on the here and now. and learning in the here and now. and living in the here and now.

wanna participate, follow the link above and join in!

God my Maker, who gives songs in the night

2011-12-30T00:53:00.001Z

job 35.10

ANY man can sing in the day. When the cup is full, man draws inspiration from it. When wealth rolls in abundance around him, any man can praise the God who gives a plenteous harvest or sends home a loaded argosy. It is easy enough for an Aeolian harp to whisper music when the winds blow—the difficulty is for music to swell forth when no wind is stirring. It is easy to sing when we can read the notes by daylight; but he is skilful who sings when there is not a ray of light to read by—who sings from his heart. No man can make a song in the night of himself; he may attempt it, but he will find that a song in the night must be divinely inspired. Let all things go well, I can weave songs, fashioning them wherever I go out of the flowers that grow upon my path; but put me in a desert, where no green thing grows, and wherewith shall I frame a hymn of praise to God? How shall a mortal man make a crown for the Lord where no jewels are? Let but this voice be clear, and this body full of health, and I can sing God's praise: silence my tongue, lay me upon the bed of languishing, and how shall I then chant God's high praises, unless He Himself give me the song? No, it is not in man's power to sing when all is adverse, unless an altar-coal shall touch his lip. It was a divine song, which Habakkuk sang, when in the night he said, "Although the fig-tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation." Then, since our Maker gives songs in the night, let us wait upon Him for the music. O Thou chief musician, let us not remain songless because affliction is upon us, but tune Thou our lips to the melody of thanksgiving.
C.H Spurgeon

colossians 1

2011-08-28T17:47:00.002Z

15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. 19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind,doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.

24 Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church, 25 of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known, 26 the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints. 27 To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles arerthe riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. 29 For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

find me

2009-12-26T02:28:00.000Z

HERE!

something new?

2009-12-22T02:03:00.002Z

so, my neighbors keep using up all the hot water! (yes, I live in one of those buildings.) what's a hard working girl to do to get all the nasty germs from work off?

anyways, i've been kinda bored here lately. i can't talk about work, its against the law. i can't talk about school, cause you'd be grossed out and bored too. and my personal life, well, these days it makes me happier for it to stay personal :)

which all leads me to the fact that i'm thinking of doing something new. something that y'all might actually care about too. something fashion and beauty. interested??

Your Hands

2009-10-01T01:05:00.001Z

just heard it...I love it!!

by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

a new way to live

2009-08-26T02:20:00.001Z

"just for today i will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. i can do something for 12 hrs that would appall me if i felt that i had to keep it up for a lifetime."

2009-08-25T19:31:00.002Z

For I, the LORD, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.
Malachi 3.6

living with me

2009-08-24T03:01:00.002Z

this past week has been one of the hardest in my life. its put me on my face realizing how much I need help and healing in the deep dark recesses of Amber. I need time to work on myself. and the Lord is giving that to me. I won't go into details here...but, it's over. For now at least. My prayer is that in the Lord's timing we'll be ready. Or that He'll heal my broken heart...

and I don't want to trust Him. I'm just being honest. but I know I have to. He's the only one that will never walk away...

even more music

2009-08-21T00:10:00.002Z

you've probably heard this before, I'm pretty sure it's pretty old...but doing my Bible study today brought this to mind, so...

He Is
Aaron Jeoffrey

In Genesis, He's the breath of Life 
In Exodus, the passover Lamb 
In Leviticus, He's our high priest 
Numbers, the fire by night 
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice 
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice 
Judges, Law giver 
In Ruth, the kinsman redeemer 
First and Second Samuel, our trusted prophet 
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign 
Ezra, true and faithful scribe 
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives 
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage 
In Job, the timeless redeemer 
In Psalms, He is our morning song 
In Proverbs, wisdom's cry 
Ecclesiastes, the time and season 
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream 
He is, He is, He is 

In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace 
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet 
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel 
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin 
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire 
In Hosea, He is forever faithful 
In Joel, He's the Spirits power 
In Amos, the arms that carry us 
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior 
In Jonah, He's the great missionary 
In Micah, the promise of peace 
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield 
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival 
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage 
In Zechariah, our fountain 
In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings 
He is, He is, He is 

In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah 
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven 
In Romans, He's the grace of God 
In Corinthians, the power of love 
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin 
Ephesians, our glorious treasure 
Philippians, the servants heart 
In Colossians, He's the Godhead trinity 
Thessalonians, our coming King 
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor 
In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant 
In James, the one who heals the sick. 
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd 
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride 
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and the Lord of Lords 
He is, He is, He is 

The prince of peace 
The Son of man 
The Lamb of God 
The great I am 
He's the alpha and omega 
Our God and our Savior 
He is Jesus Christ Lord and when time is no more 
He is, He is

leave the scar

2009-08-18T15:09:00.000Z

Heal the Wound
by PoG

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

He fails us NOT

2009-08-05T21:41:00.001Z

Fail Us Not
1000 Generations

Failure doesn't phase you.
Worry doesn't win.
Lost doesn't leave you afraid to start again.
Our sin doesn't shock you.
Our shame doesn't shame you at all.
Mistakes do not move you.
Terror doesn't tame.
Death doesn't doom you to life in the grave.
Our suffering doesn't scare you.
Our secrets won't surprise you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

Hatred doesn't hide you.
Evil doesn't ail.
Despair can't disguise you and tell you that you fail.
Our doubt doesn't daunt you.
Our darkness won't defeat you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

something witty

2009-07-14T23:46:00.003Z

i so wish i had something witty to say. a good story. or something i'm learning about.
but i just don't.
right now my life is filled with microbiology and anatomy/physiology. i'm overwhelmed. fitting 2 huge classes into a 10 week semester has been way harder than i ever imagined. most of my free time is spent studying.
OR spending time with kevin. he's the boy in the picture from the last post. i'm sure i'll have more to say later, but for now just know that he's fantastic. i wish i could introduce him to all of you...
but for now i promise to share more soon :)

better late than never, right?

2009-06-27T17:14:00.002Z

i went to Auburn to visit my new "nephew"
so stinkin' precious-1st time i've almost cried seeing a baby for the 1st time...

i had a birthday-with the girls at Sekisui, yumm...

Memorial Day, my sister and bro-in-law came in from VA for about 24 hrs. it was so good to see her after over a year!

with our Granny

me and my mom-a reminder of the Lord's grace in my life!

sisters

things I'm loving right now

2009-06-01T23:18:00.004Z

Essie Delicacy-so pretty and light for summer

Voluspa Goji and Tarocco orange candle-your house will smell good for days

all around fantastic sandals from GAP

shocking I know, but this is a J.Crew dress. I have it in Navy.
Happy Birthday to me!

and now for the thing I'm loving the most these days:

SLEEP!

a day on the 9th

2009-05-21T22:49:00.003Z

I really wanted to be able to put into words what my days look like. but it was just impossible. my day starts at 5:00 and I don't get back home till 19:30. almost everything in between is a blur. some days are better than others, some days I actually get 10 minutes to stand still.

everyday I realize more and more how blessed I am to have this opportunity. I get to learn new stuff and see new procedures every day. it should really help me not only getting in to nursing school but once I start clinicals. I see stuff everyday that a lot of nurses never see.

but there are bad times too, our patients are really really sick. on the elevator the other day people were laughing about how many stops it takes to get to the 9th floor. and one of the nurses was telling someone that the 9th floor is the worst place in the hospital. her reasoning was totally false, and I kinda laughed. but it's neat to see how the Lord has placed me in what I think is the best place in the hospital, learning about the type of nursing that I want to do, and there are so many who don't want to ever step foot in a trauma/burn unit.

a couple of things stick out in my time so far:
1. never ever under any circumstances get on a motorcycle. when things go bad there's not a lot that can be done.
2. people in generally good health heal much faster after trauma and leave the hospital much faster.

on my 2nd day I watched someone die, I was standing there helpless with nothing to do but pray. which I know is exactly where the Lord wanted me. I know He can work miracles, and I know I will get to see it happen. but please pray for me as a light in the darkness and peace in the storm!
and also, as I begin applying for nursing school-I would love to stay where I am because of the learning opportunities I have here, but I want to be where He wants me. so I need wisdom!

the GREAT exchange

2009-05-12T04:07:00.001Z

"This is that mystery which is rich in divine grace to sinners: wherein by a wonderful exchange our sins are no longer ours but Christ's, and the righteousness of Christ not Christ's but ours. He has emptied himself of his righteousness that he might clothe us with it and fill us with it; and he has taken our evils upon himself that he might deliver us from them."
Martin Luther

not what you hoped they'd be

2009-05-12T03:37:00.002Z

wow...

Pray
by Kendall Payne

I will pray for you now, for you have been my faithful friends
While the road we walk is difficult indeed
I couldn't not ask for more than what you've already been
Only that you would say these prayers for me
May your heart break enough that compassion enters in
May your strength all be spent upon the weak
All the castles and crowns you build and place upon your head
May they all fall, come crashing down around your feet
May you find every step to be harder than the last
So your character grows greater every stride
May your company be of humble insignificance
May your weakness be your only source of pride
What you do unto others may it all be done to you
May you meet the One who made us
And see Him smile when life is through
May your blessings be many but not what you hoped they'd be
And when you look upon the broken
May mercy show you what you could not see
May you never be sure of any plans you desire
But you'd learn to trust the plan He has for you
May your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
May you fight with all your life for what is true
I have prayed for you now all my dear and faithful friends
But what I wish is more than I could eever speak
As the way wanders on I'll long to see you once again
Until then, would you pray these prayers for me?
Oh, that you would pray for me

ummm...

2009-05-12T03:34:00.002Z

Two things I ask of you; deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, "Who is the Lord?" or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.
Proverbs 30.7-9

week 1

2009-04-30T23:45:00.002Z

well...week one of the rest of my life is almost over. and i'm thankful for this week and all that i've learned and seen.

1. apparently my new employer is often referred to as the University that Ate Birmingham
2. it spans about 15 blocks, so as you can imagine, i'll be doing lots of walking
3. to get to work in the morning i drive 23 blocks east, and then take a bus 14 blocks back west. to get home i do the same, just in the opposite direction
4. i have learned a lot about how to take care of patients and all the rules that of health care
5. on our tour of the hospital today we visited the helipad. a helicopter was coming in for a trauma and we got to see it all happen. don't get me wrong, it's not that i want anyone to be hurt bad enough to have that happen, but it was one of the coolest things i've ever seen
6. everything i've learned has increased my resolve and i'm more than ready to be done with school and be able to move forward in my career
7. pray for me as i move forward with classes and start applying to nursing schools-for wisdom and that the Lord would give me favor in their eyes!

making progress

2009-04-25T02:29:00.002Z

I've been reading The Pilgrim's Progress. I'm just finishing it up. And look back on the story a few things come to mind:

1. This spiritual battle is real. And it's going on around us ALL THE TIME. I think I would live my life differently if I were more aware of the reality of what is going on in the spiritual realm.

2. Throughout the story there are places the pilgrim stops to rest, places the Prince of pilgrims created for that purpose. But there are also places that he is told he should never stop or be tempted to rest, these places are created by the enemy to trick him into a slumber that he would never awake from. He needs the guide to tell him when it is okay to rest, and when he needs to keep moving forward.

3. All the characters are named by the chief character strength or fault. I wonder what my pilgrim name would be?

A couple of my favorite quotes (these both come from Part II of the story):

...but I am resolved to keep in the good way, to run when I can, to walk when I cannot run, and creep when I cannot walk; yet to keep my face toward Zion. My journey may be long and toilsome and my mind and body weak; yet my heart is set on that fair City at the end of the way, beyond the river that has no bridge.

I see myself now at the end of my journey; my toilsome days are over. I am going to see the head that was crowned with thorns and the face that was spit upon for me. I have been living by hearsay and faith, but now I am going where I shall live by sight, and I shall be with Him in whose company I delight. I have loved to hear Him spoken of, and wherever I would see His footprints on the sand of time, there I delighted to walk. His name has been to me a precious treasure-sweeter than all perfumes. His voice I rejoice to hear, and His face to me exceeds all beauty in earth and sky. His Word I have used as food for my soul and for antidote against my faltering. He has kept me back from my iniquities, and He has held me fast. Yes, my steps He has strengthened in His way.

part 4 of in my heart i'm still a dancer

2009-04-23T03:34:00.003Z

76. Just after posting part 3, I had my very first wreck and my car was totaled. Thankfully, no one was hurt and it wasn't my fault.
77. Thanks to number 76, I am now the proud owner of a new-er car.
78. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid to follow my dreams. No matter how scary it may be.
79. I prefer my sweet potato casserole with brown sugar and nuts.
80. Tomorrow I will eat my first Lebanese food in exactly 5 years. I am overjoyed. There's some fattouche and a schwarma calling my name!
81. I wear a retainer most nights for TMJ. I started this habit in Africa when I put a whole in one of my teeth from grinding them at night. Something about a civil war made my life a little stressful then.
82. On Monday I will start my 10th new job in two years.
83. My new job is a Patient Care Technician in the Trauma/Burn ICU at UAB Hospital. If I end up in nursing school at UAB, hopefully this job will last a while.
84. Not long after Part 3, I also had my very first case of food poisoning. I may never eat fish tacos again.
85. I also recently participated in my very first Ash Wednesday and Maundy Thursday services.
86. I recently read an article about milk that totally freaked me out. I am now on a mission to eat as much organic and locally grown or raised food as I can. It will be a learning experience for sure.
87. I am thinking of applying to nursing school in the great state of TX or CA. Why not?
88. When I get stressed I don't eat. Quite the opposite of most people.
89. And if given the choice between sleeping or eating, I'll always choose sleep.
90. I can't study while its still daylight outside. It must be hereditary cause my sister is the same way.
91. Speaking of my sister, in May I will see her for the first time in over a year.
92. I had to buy scrubs for my new job. They came in the mail today. As I suspected, I am not cute in scrubs.
93. I took an entomology class in college. Complete with bug collection. I did great on the tests, but flat out failed my bug collection. Ever since having to collect bugs I am terrified of any bug that flies.
94. I also took a Mammalogy class where I had to skin and stuff a rat. Yes folks...as much as I wish it wasn't, its true.
95. Other than being overseas for 2 years, J.Crew is the job I've had the longest. 1 yr and 8 months.
96. I'm not a jewelery person, but I have one necklace that I wear every single day. It has a pendant in the shape of Africa. It's a constant reminder of what the Lord did...and opens doors of conversation almost every day.
97. I sometimes find myself reading blogs of people I don't know. I'm not sure how I end up there or why, but I find it intriguing.
98. I also read a lot of recipe blogs. A LOT. I'm not really sure why since I never cook any of the recipes. But a girl can dream.
99. My 31st birthday is coming up very soon-so far I feel like it will be harder than 30.
100. I love you all and appreciate your friendship more than you'll ever know!

if the world were a village

2009-04-12T02:33:00.002Z

I saw this on the Tom's website recently and thought it was worth sharing. Apparently the statistics come from a book "If the World Were a Village" by David Smith.

if the world were a village of 100 people...

1 has AIDS
3 are slaves
14 are illiterate
20 are malnourished
23 drink polluted water
25 have no shelter
30 are unemployed
33 have no electricity
40 have no shoes
45 live on less than $2 a day
48 have no sanitation
56 have parasites

a great future!

2009-04-07T18:00:00.002Z

There remains for us only the very narrow way, often extremely difficult to find, of living every day as thought it were our last, and yet living in faith and responsibility as though there were to be a great future.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Kyrie

2009-03-24T02:45:00.002Z

Lord Have Mercy

Jesus I've forgotten
The words that You have spoken
Promises that burned within my heart
Have now grown dim
With a doubting heart I follow
The paths of earthly wisdom
Forgive me for my unbelief
Renew the fire again

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me

I have built an altar
Where I've worshipped things of man
I have taken journeys
That have drawn me far from You
Now I am returning
To Your mercies ever flowing
Pardon my transgression
Help me love you again

I have longed to know You
And all Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness
Ever flowing without end
So I bow my heart before You
In the goodness of Your presence
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night

God, be merciful to me, a sinner!
Luke 18.13

i try to pretend it didn't happen

2009-03-13T03:43:00.003Z

ignore it so it doesn't hurt so bad.

but the reality is
every day I miss him.
11 years later it doesn't really hurt any less.

I cried tonight remembering him.
remembering what a redneck he was.
that time he tried to creep me out by turning his eyes opposite ways.
his tattoo he got for one of his last birthdays.

how he never stopped believing in the people he loved.
no matter how bad they hurt him.

I cried tonight because i'll never get to know him as a funny shrinking old man.
I cried because he'll never get to know me as an adult. to see how strong i am.

I cried because sometimes a little girl just needs her daddy.

i spoke too soon :(

2009-03-08T05:03:00.003Z

pretty sure she's dead, and something new-er will be replacing her soon.
i'm very thankful i walked away with only a few bruises and air bag burns!

yes, all the hoses were hanging out from underneath, and my wheel well was falling off

the other car was a big truck so my car ran right up underneath her.

she was a beauty, well...not so much, but she sure got me from place to place. and i was planning on giving a run at another 140,000 miles.

part 3 of in my heart I'm still a dancer...

2009-03-05T00:59:00.000Z

51. My RHR (resting heart rate) is 45. Yes...I am in fact alive.
52. I had tubes in my ears 2x as a kid.
53. Between ear problems and malsorption (I won't gross you out with that one) I spent most of my time at Children's Hospital.
54. A recent fundraising event for that same hospital is what gave me the final push I needed to pursue nursing school.
55. I never wear shorts, except to run in.
56. I am currently working one job 40 hrs a week, working a 2nd job (J.Crew) somewhere between 5 and 10 hrs a week, I'm taking 6 hrs in school, and training for my 1st half marathon. So...I'm kinda tired.
57. I've never had a wreck. One fender bender where no one's fender was actually bent. Outside of that, so far so good.
58. I've had 2 speeding tickets and one ticket for rolling through a stop sign.
59. I took the ACT twice because I wanted to do better...I wanted to go to DUKE.
60. I go through a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, and at least one box of cereal every week.
61. I'm pretty sure if the Lord had blessed me with the ability to sing I would be super prideful about it.
62. I have a routine in the morning. Every morning I get out of bed at 6:30. I get clean and then blow dry my hair. At 6:51 I sit down, turn on the Today show and put my makeup on. At 7:00 I get up and start getting dressed. I grab some breakfast, and walk out the door at 7:15. Every day. Without fail.
63. When I was a freshman in college I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day...the Lord is gracious and merciful, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
64. My favorite jobs I've ever had were a car wash and Starbucks. I think it had something to do with being on my feet, talking to people, and not having lot of crazy stuff to remember.
65. I have no idea what size my bed is. Sometimes I'm convinced it's a full, others that it's a queen. So I just buy whatever and make it work.
66. When I grow up I want a great dane named mr. darcy.
67. I think movies and tv should be sunshine and roses, so I really don't watch thrillers or dramas.
68. When I need to relax I listen to bluegrass music.
69. My sister and I have the same favorite scripture, neither of us knew it till we were adults.
Psalm 63.3 for those of you who are curious.
70. 1 Timothy 1.15,16 is the scripture the Lord used in my life as a college student to show me how He wanted to use me.
71. I love white pants during the spring and summer!
72. I have to use the exact same amount of shampoo as conditioner every day. I can't handle one bottle being finished before the other.
73. I love to shop online and would buy my groceries that way if I could.
74. I look so much like my grandmother that total strangers ask me if I'm her granddaughter. And so much like my mom that people tell me that they met my mom and I'm like well how did you know it was my mom. They laugh.
75. Pizza is by far my favorite food IN THE WORLD.

i took a walk today...

2009-03-02T17:57:00.003Z

well, it was actually yesterday...it snowed in Alabama and I thought it was a perfect chance to show you my lovely neighborhood.

my neighborhood is known for all the parks...i live between the 2nd and 3rd parks and they make for a lovely place to run.

it's the oldest neighborhood in Birmingham, so there are lots of lovely old houses that people use for weddings and events...

pretty red berries in the snow!

a view through one of the intersections.

my apartment building

a southern girl...born and bred

2009-02-24T13:58:00.002Z

someone recently berated southern girls to me...here's to what their missing ;)

thanks to little Ruthie

This was written by Robert St. John, executive chef and owner of the Purple Parrot Cafe, Crescent City Grill and Mahogany Bar of Hattiesburg, MS.

Thirty years ago I visited my first cousin in Virginia. While hanging out with his friend, the discussion turned to popular movies of the day. When I offered my two-cents on the authenticity and social relevance of the movie Billy Jack, one of the boys asked, in all seriousness; "Do you guys have movie theaters down there?" To which I replied, "Yep. We wear shoes too."

Just three years ago, my wife and I were attending a food and wine seminar in Aspen, Colo. We were seated with two couples from Las Vegas. One of the Glitter Gulch gals was amused and downright rude when I described our restaurant as a fine-dining restaurant. "Mississippi doesn't have fine-dining restaurants!" she insisted and nudged her companion. I fought back the strong desire to mention that she lived in the land that invented the 99-cent breakfast buffet.

I wanted badly to defend my state, my region, and my restaurant with a 15-minute soliloquy and public relations rant that would surely change her mind. It was at that precise moment that I was hit with a blinding jolt of enlightenment, and in a moment of complete and absolute clarity, it dawned on me -- my South is the best-kept secret in the country. Why would I try to win this woman over? She might move down here.

I am always amused by Hollywood's interpretation of the South. We are still, on occasion, depicted as a collective group of sweaty, stupid, backwards-minded,20racist rednecks. The South of movies and TV, the Hollywood South, is not my South.

This is My South:

My South is full of honest, hardworking people. My South is the birthplace of blues and jazz, and rock n' roll. It has banjo pickers and fiddle players, but it also has BB King, Muddy Waters, the Allman Brothers, Emmylou Harris and Elvis.

My South is hot. My South smells of newly mowed grass. My South was kick the can, creek swimming, cane-pole fishing and bird hunting.

In my South, football is king, and the Southeastern Conference is the kingdom.

My South is home to the most beautiful women on the planet.

In my South, soul food and country cooking are the same thing.

My South is full of fig preserves, cornbread, butter beans, fried chicken, grits and catfish.

In my South, we eat foie gras, caviar and truffles. In my South, our transistor radios introduced us to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones at the same time they were introduced to the rest of the country.

In my South, grandmothers cook a big lunch every Sunday, so big that we call it dinner (supper comes later).

In my South, family matters, deeply.

My South is boiled shrimp, blackberry cobbler, peach ice cream, banana pudding and oatmeal cream pies.

In my South, people put peanuts in bottles of Coca-Co la and hot sauce on almost everything.

In my South, the tea is iced and almost as sweet as the women. My South has air-conditioning.

My South is camellias, azaleas, wisteria and hydrangeas.

In my South, the only person that has to sit on the back of the bus is the last person that got on the bus.

In my South, people still say "Yes, ma'am," "No ma'am," "Please" and "Thank you."

In my South, we all wear shoes.... most of the time.

My South is the best-kept secret in the country.

Please continue to keep the secret....it keeps the idiots away.

rules of the road

2009-02-19T14:07:00.004Z

for those of you whose momma's didn't raise you right...
because you are driving me CRAZY.

1. Just because your car is bigger, or more expensive, doesn't mean you are more important.
2. Dr Mr Motorcycle Driver, the traffic laws apply to you, too.
3. When merging onto an interstate or highway, you are supposed to accelerate to the speed of traffic by the time the merge takes place. If you do this, you'll never have to stop and wait to merge :)
4. And speaking of stopping, do you realize that you aren't supposed to ever STOP on these interstates and highways. They are created to get people places quickly.
5. Switching lanes multiple times does not actually help you get anywhere any faster.

and finally...Your destination is NEVER more important than my life. NEVER.
Remember that.

for you Mrs Darling...

2009-02-12T00:12:00.004Z

heard this tonight at the gym, it's not new, but I thought of you...all of you!
I wish we could all see ourselves the way the world sees us. The things I dislike most seem to be the things others adore.

Freckles
Natasha Bedingfield

I used to care so much about what others think about
Almost didn't have a thought of my own
The slightest remark would make me embark
On the journey of self doubt
But that was a while ago
This girl has got stronger
If I knew then what I know now
I would have told myself don't worry any longer it's OK

'cause a face without freckles is like a sky without stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Who you are
Who you are
Who you are

I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
Would the whole world fall at my feet?
I felt unworthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I feel like the little girl who doesn't belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And I'm reminding myself

a call to action

2009-02-08T23:49:00.002Z

so, this week while working out and listening to some Jesus music, I had the distinct feeling of missing Him.

He knocked on the door...I let Him in and dined with Him! (Rev 3.20)

For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward, but if not of my own will, I am still entrusted with a stewardship. What then is my reward? That in my preaching I may present the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.
For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 1:16-27

O Church Arise
Keith Getty, Stuart Townsend

O church arise and put your armour on
Hear the call of Christ our Captain
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We'll stand against the devil's lies
An army bold whose battle cry is Love
Reaching out to those in darkness

Come see the cross where love and mercy meet
As the Son of God is stricken
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet
For the Conqueror has risen
And as the stone is rolled away
And Christ emerges from the grave
This victory march continues till the day
Every eye and heart shall see Him

So spirit come put strength in every stride
Give grace for every hurdle
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way
Retelling triumphs of His grace
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When with Christ we stand in glory

the weekend

2009-02-02T14:53:00.002Z

I worked at J.Crew most of the weekend.
It's amazing how much money people are still spending. Apparently the few sunny days we had inspired a lot of spring shopping.
Today, more rain.

I went with a good friend to eat sushi at MakiFresh, we were both pleasantly surprised.
I hate the way "surprised" is spelled.
Anyways....I HIGHLY recommend the Cowboy. Yummm...
And I've been thinking of how lovely it would be for a cowboy to come and take me away.

While we are at dinner I called a "gas station" a "car station."
Remember the problem of forgetting words...Heather laughed. Hard. Cause really?!

i am second

2009-01-30T15:40:00.001Z

part 2 of in my heart I'm still a dancer...

2009-01-27T01:45:00.021Z

part 2

26. One of my favorite things about the a fore mentioned cat is watching her clean her face with her paws.
27. The other favorite is when she decides to try and figure out what I'm doing and comes crashing into the bathtub.
28. I don't keep sweets in the house. If I buy them, I'll eat them. ALL. In one sitting.
29. I have more nicknames than I can count...Am, AD, Ambrosia, Hambone, Squirrel, Ambipure, Amber waves of grain, Amber Amber, little Ber, little Arbs, Arbo, Bo...the list could go on.
30. I had an imaginary friend as a child. I think his name was Jacob, for the life of me I can't really remember, but you know what they say about people with imaginary friends :)
31. When I was three years old I decided I was fat. I put myself on a diet of vienna sausages, cottage cheese, and peaches every night for 2 years. And didn't gain another pound that whole time.
32. I have never been on a blind date. In fact, anytime someone tells me they want to set me up, they usually find out within a week that the person is already dating someone else.
33. For a year and a half I lived with, worked with, and went to church with my best friend. We survived.
34. I have a really bad memory and have totally forgotten what I intended #34 to be. Between thinking of it and writing "34."
35. I have never ski'd. Snow or water. Which you might have figured out by the fact that I have no idea how to spell it.
36. I have arthritis in my hips and can predict the weather. Yes, I am too young. But I was even younger 10 years ago when it started.
37. I have a degree in wildlife science, but have never been hunting. I have always wanted to learn how to Turkey hunt. I think I'd look super cute in snake boots.
38. Pink has NEVER been my favorite color.
39. I am not good at sports involving a ball. No depth perception. This doesn't bother me. I find it hysterical, teammates don't think its near as funny as I do. So I don't play often.
40. I know this is going to sound really strange, but I am really good at colors. Some people can remember words on a page, photographic memories. I'm that same way, but with colors. I can see them as vividly in my head as if they were right in front of me. And could walk into an art store and match a color I saw last week exactly.
41. I have no friends from before the age of 14, and I have no idea why.
42. I try to eat organic whenever I can. I think it's the healthiest choice in life.
43. In college my roommates and I would go over to "hang out" with some guy friends and steal toilet paper from them. They always had some and we were always out.
44. My grandparents met AND got married in the month of February. My grandpa shouted out in the middle of downtown San Francisco "I love this girl!" Told her he wanted to marry her one day. And 3 days later they were married. Sigh....
45. I don't believe in new cars. But I'm definitely in the market for something new-ER.
46. There's only one piece of furniture in my apartment that I paid for. A couch that I bought on Craigslist for $200 from a lovely family in town.
47. My sister is 7 years younger than me. People can't tell who's older. This makes me laugh...but it makes her kinda mad.
48. We fought like crazy when I was younger, but now I count her as my closest friend. I don't have to finish my sentences-and I love it. And she's sees the world from my perspective, so the things that make me angry make her angry too.
49. One of my goals in life is to live in a city where I don't need to own a car. This means no car payment, no insurance, no oil changes, no tire rotations, no petrol, etc, etc, etc. Sweet bliss.
50. Okay, so...I'm pretty sure that 95% of celebrities look better brunette than blond. By default, that means that 95% of you look better brunette than blond. If you got it, flaunt it. I wish I did.

in my heart I'm still a dancer...

2009-01-24T21:41:00.008Z

and a hundred other things

Part 1

1. I do not like weddings.
2. I don't believe that just because you get invited to a wedding you have to go. Or give a gift.
3. I don't like the smell of Krispy Kreme. Shocking, I know...
4. Reading is not relaxing to me. Therefore, I don't read fiction books.
5. If I need to relax I read a magazine, or watch a girlie movie.
6. I take a bath ALMOST every night of my life. And ALMOST always use lavender bubble bath.
7. I dream of owning my own business one day.
8. I take life very seriously...to whom much is given, much is required.
9. This causes problems with my stress level...which has a lot of physical side effects.
10. My favorite pictures of myself are the ones where I don't have a double chin. It's not there in real life, but always seems to appear for pictures.
11. I hope to run a half-marathon one day. Maybe even a full.
12. I would wake up tomorrow and move to NYC, London, Paris, or Prague...
13. I'll be 33 when I finish nursing school, if all goes well.
14. I'm thinking of pursuing a Master's in Public Health once its all said and done.
15. But one day I also want to go to school to be a makeup artist.
16. I've thought of getting Lasik to fix my eyes, but glasses are such a part of my personality I don't know how I'd replace them.
17. I prefer black and white and not posed (what's the word for this) over color and posed.
18. Sometimes I completely lose words that are used everyday. See above.
19. I don't make my bed. Ever. I don't believe in it. Call it a character flaw.
20. I wish my hair were darker. If I go somewhere new they don't believe that someone would want to go darker when "everyone wants to be blond."
21. I just started drinking coffee a year and a half ago. I remember the day I drank it and thought, "wow, this isn't as bad as I remember it being."
22. I made myself get in the habit of only eating out once a week. Now sometimes I don't eat out for weeks at a time, I prefer the food I cook at home.
23. My movies are organized by who starred in them. It's weird, but I know where to go when I want some Sandra Bullock.
24. I'm not sure that even if the opportunity presents itself, I want to have my own children. By "have" what I really mean is "birth". I want to adopt at least 3.
25. I'm not a cat person, but I have one. She's African. And she is stinkin' adorable.

things you may not know

2009-01-24T19:07:00.004Z

I almost left public school to go to the Alabama School of Fine Arts.
I was a dancer...and pretty dang good.
But I didn't want to forfeit a good science education. I wanted to be a doctor.
I stopped dancing in middle school and went back for a while in high school.
I still wonder how my life would have been different if I kept dancing...

After spending my almost my whole life in the Southern Baptist church...
I am no longer Southern Baptist.
I'll become officially Anglican in February.
Not that I really think denominations mean anything, but its a better fit for me.

I entered college as a sophomore.
I also entered as a pre-Med major.
I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist and work at St. Jude's.
Then my daddy got cancer.

Since I got back from Africa in 2004, I've lived in 10 different places.
And had 12 jobs.
But I'm only on my 2nd car of my whole life.

I have a degree in Wildlife Science.
No, I never plan to do anything with it.
I thought I might go to vet school.
Then I knew God was calling me overseas after school and none of it seemed to matter.

My dad only ever recommended one book to me.
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.
I still haven't read it.
I've Netflix-ed the movie and should get it next week.

catching up

2009-01-15T14:13:00.002Z

I started school last week. So far so good. Although I think my online Psychology class is going to be much harder than I anticipated. Apparently they think that if you are not in the classroom they have to give you enough busy work to simulate the time you aren't spending in the classroom.

Anatomy and Physiology I is going well. I had lab Tuesday night and called my sister afterwords with a realization. I'm not really sure how I can remember that cardiac muscle is distinguishable by the intercolated discs. And somehow have no idea when my step dad's birthday is.

It's colder here right now than it has been in six years, they say. Six years ago when it was this cold I was in Africa, where 80 degrees is cold. So, its fair to say I haven't been this cold in a long time. But I'm learning to dress for the weather. This morning driving down the road a few things came to mind. 1. If you are so desperate for a cigarette that you are driving down the road in this weather with your window down, you might have a problem. 2. There are a lot of homeless men and women living on the streets of Birmingham. And there are shelters, but probably not enough for everyone. I pray they find a place to stay safe and warm, and that the Lord will use me in some way.

I started running again. Trying at least. I have a fallen arch in my right foot that is really bothering-anybody know anything that'll make this feel better?

you make me crazy

2009-01-10T21:21:00.003Z

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
Herman Hesse (1877-1962)

This was the Google quote of the day yesterday. I'm not actually sure who this guy is, please forgive me if he's some famous dude I'm supposed to know. Anyways, I find this so intriguing because I find this to be true in my life, and I notice it over and over. Normally if there's something that drives me up a wall about someone, that very thing is a huge struggle for me.

Take your insecurities. I notice them easily. And they grate on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. Which is ridiculous. Have I ever spent a day with myself? I'm like the most insecure person I'll ever meet...I just deal with my insecurities different than you do. And my subconscious (aka my PRIDE) has decided that the proper way to deal with them is my way. Which by default makes your way the wrong way. Which means it drives me crazy...

Not you of course, just your insecurities. I ADORE YOU, naturally.

Brutal. Honesty. people

1 Timothy 1.15-17

my beloved

2009-01-04T22:48:00.000Z

Chris Tomlin

My beloved mine, I His,
My beloved mine, I His,
My beloved mine, I His,

His precious blood was spilled,
His precious blood was spilled,
His precious blood was spilled,
My beloved mine, I His,

He raised my life up from the dead,
He raised my life up from the dead,
He raised my life up from the dead,
My beloved mine, I His,

When my eyes shall see His face,
When my eyes shall see His face,
When my eyes shall see His face,
My beloved mine, I His,

Mighty God, Faithful One,
My Beloved, my Beloved,
You're the Lamb of God,
You're the Holy One,
My Beloved, my Beloved, my Beloved,

My Beloved mine, I His,
My Beloved mine, I His,
My Beloved mine, I His

what He's done

2009-01-04T19:02:00.000Z

Come and Listen
David Crowder

Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.

Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.

I still love this...

2008-12-29T22:18:00.001Z

a prayer

2008-12-28T18:16:00.002Z

this is from Advent, I guess from the Book of Common Prayer, but I'm not really sure.

Most merciful Lord,
your love compels us to come in.
Our hands were unclean,
our hearts were unprepared;
we were not fit
even to eat the crumbs from under your table.
but you, Lord, are the God of our salvation,
and share your bread with sinners.
So cleanse and feed us
with the precious body and blood of your Son,
that he may live in us and we in him;
and that we, with the whole company of Christ,
may sit and eat in your kingdom. Amen.

Behold the Lamb of God; behold him that takes away the sins of the world.

Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof; but speak the word only, and my soul shall be healed.

Merry Christmas to All

2008-12-24T17:04:00.003Z

I'm trying to catch up...and since I haven't posted any music in a while. Here's one of my Christmas fave's. So much good theology here.

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
by Charles Wesley

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin's womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

GLORY TO OUR KING!

as promised

2008-12-24T13:08:00.004Z

yay for my West African creche set!

and my very first Christmas tree

the AMAZING live nativity at the Rockettes

Merry Christmas to All, from the Rockettes

with my Pa on Thanksgiving

the things I can't do...

2008-12-24T04:23:00.002Z

I had a long-needed conversation with two of my girls tonight. And it left me thinking...and realizing how "adrift" I feel.

I can't be Southern Baptist anymore. It's not where I am.
I can't live up to theirrules anymore. Or mine for that matter. I'm tired!
I can't listen to only Christian music.
I can't go to the perfect church and be a a perfect leader in a perfect ministry.
I can't be afraid of the past. Or the future.
I can't love only those who are easy to love, if that were the way it worked, who would love me?

I'm not a porcelain teacup...

All I know I can do is love Jesus so much it hurts. And walk in His grace and freedom. And pray that when I drift in to port I'll be right where He wants me.

Christmas is here again

2008-12-23T14:34:00.002Z

I'm having a hard time keeping up on here these days, mostly because I don't have the internet at my house yet, and partly because I've been living in the Twilight Zone. but...

I'm almost settled into my new place. And I get my very own first couch on Friday!

I also have my very own first Christmas tree. It's white and doesn't have very many ornaments yet, but it's mine. I can't find a tree skirt or tree topper that aren't tacky though. I know the mind reels at how a girl with a white Christmas tree which is by very definition tacky can't find a tree skirt and topper. Nevertheless...

I went with my family to see The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. A-MAZ-ING. I turned into a kid.

I start school in just a couple of weeks. For the record, my books cost almost as much as my tuition.

I'll post pictures again soon. As soon as I have the internet again...

life as I see it

2008-12-04T03:23:00.002Z

Tommy Tubberville was fired today. Today was not a good day to be an Auburn Tiger.

I started a new job this week. Monday actually. Good times learning and getting to know everyone.

I'm totally overwhelmed by the fact that I am working tons at J.Crew for the holidays. The people are nice, I've had a blast helping dress mannequins, I'm getting to spend lots of time with people I like a lot, it's extra money...but I'm exhausted.

I finally move back into my own place on Friday. I hate moving, but I can't wait for that first night alone.

A good friend who is preggers is coming to visit this weekend-can you have more fun than shopping for elastic waist pants and tiny baby clothes.

Thanksgiving was good...quite uneventful which was what I needed. Of course good food, followed by the best Pumpkin Pie east of the Mississippi. Hopefully I'll move pics to my computer soon.

I start school in a month. All I have left to do is buy my books. Which is a painful thought since 1 science book costs more than I spend on food in a month. But I'm stoked...and can't wait to see what doors are opened in the next few years.

the hungry...more hungry

2008-11-18T02:24:00.002Z

there's a Global Food Crisis. made worse by our nation's dependence on fuel. and even worse by our decision to use the the food that many nations rely on to fuel our cars.

a few facts (from the Compassion website):

• One person in seven goes to bed hungry every day.
• Approximately 854 million people across the world are hungry.
• Every day, nearly 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes. That amounts to one child
every 5 seconds.
• About 5.6 million or 53 percent of child deaths worldwide are related to under-nutrition.
• Approximately 146 million or 27 percent of children under age 5 in developing countries are
underweight.
• Nearly 17 percent of babies in developing countries are born with a low birth weight
compared with only 7 percent of babies in industrialized countries.
• More than 6 million children die from malnutrition each year.
• Worldwide, 161 million preschool children suffer chronic malnutrition.
• Already 40 percent to 50 percent of the world’s populations are undernourished and there
are 50 million starvation-related deaths each year.

Sources: www.one.org, www.bread.org, www.unicef.org, www.who.int, www.unep.org

Compassion is doing something to help. and you can be a part of it...here. for $13 you can feed a child for a month. you can even buy a t-shirt with "please" in the language of one of four countries hit hardest by the crisis. sure to be a conversation starter.

and if you still haven't sponsored a child, now's a perfect time. you can do that here, or use the widget to the right.

the difference

2008-11-14T15:19:00.003Z

I hold on through memories.
The ones I'm sometimes afraid of.
The way he looked, the time he shaved his beard and I couldn't stop laughing.
The way he reminded me every year on my birthday that it meant he was getting old.
The way he patiently waited for me every night after dance...and sacrificed things he wanted to pay for it.
The way he took us fishing.
And how proud he was of us.
That last morning...
She holds on through tangible things.
Pictures of him.
Things he bought or that she bought using "his" money.
And grieves when those things are lost.

She said there's pain and strength in my eyes.
And sweetness in hers.

what I know of love

2008-11-11T02:29:00.003Z

I Saw What I Saw by Sara Groves

This video spoke to me in so many ways. How I miss Africa, every day. The faith and joy there in the midst of such extreme need. Daily tragedy. And the Lord's consistent reminder of His command-

"Go, making disciples-teaching them all I've commanded you"

Lord, here am I...send me!

lyrics:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

2008-11-07T02:54:00.002Z

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King Jr.

A Franciscan Prayer

2008-11-07T02:53:00.001Z

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

I dig it

2008-11-05T00:40:00.002Z

International Justice Mission- a Christian human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. Investigators, lawyers and other professionals work with local officials to rescue victims and to promote justice.
Check out their Christmas "catalog."

Samaritan's Purse- provides spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world. They meet needs of people who are victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine all while sharing the love of Christ.
Check out Operation Christmas child.

Compassion International- a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. They now help more than 1 million children in 26 countries (Marashet Simon of Ethiopia is one!).
Keep up with a current team of bloggers on a trip to the Dominican Replublic.
And sponsor a child! For $32 a month, you can change a child's life by providing for physical needs and giving access to the gospel.

Product Red- created to help stop the spread of AIDS in Africa. It's a business model to raise money and awareness for the HIV/AIDS problem in Africa. A portion of each sale goes to support Global Fund financed programs used to positively impact communities impacted by HIV/AIDS in Africa.
Check out Starbucks from November 27th to January 2nd-they'll have a new line of (RED) items and a $.05 from the sale of their "exclusive" Holiday drinks will go towards the Global Fund.

rock the vote!

2008-11-04T15:42:00.002Z

2008-11-04T02:39:00.001Z

And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning.
Job 42.12a

Jesus Christ Is Stronger!

2008-10-30T16:36:00.001Z

“Ready for some good news? . . .

Jesus Christ is stronger!

Stronger than my fears about the future or my shame over a past that cannot be altered though I wish so much I could do some things differently.

Stronger than my tired prayers with well-worn phrases and weary pleas.

Stronger than my need to know now, and have the trial terminated.

Stronger than the enemy of my soul who would discourage me with my own failings and disillusion me with the faults of others.

Such a simple truth—Jesus Christ is Stronger. ‘Stronger than what,’ you ask? Stronger than whatever would cause you doubt or discouragement today.”

James McDonald

a prayer

2008-10-28T15:34:00.001Z

We beg you, Lord, to help and defend us. Deliver the oppressed, pity the insignificant, raise the fallen, show yourself to the needy, heal the sick, bring back those of your people who have gone astray, feed the hungry, lift up the weak, take off the prisoners’ chains. May every nation come to know that you alone are God, that Jesus Christ is your child, that we are your people, the sheep of your pasture.
Clement of Rome

Anywhere is On the Way

2008-10-16T23:51:00.003Z

I had the opportunity to here my friend Peter, who is a total ROCKSTAR by the way, sing some of his original stuff recently. This song was on my mind for weeks after so I asked if I can share it. It really spoke to me in a time where I was desperately seeking the next thing, the next place. The Lord used it to remind me just to go, the ultimate destination isn't as important as the action itself. I hope it blesses you the way it blesses me.

Check out more of Peter's stuff here.

Virginia I'm leaving
Can't keep it in.
Through oceans filled with tears
I have to swim.

When you walk to the edge of the world
Anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

Gibralter I need you
Ukraine is cold
I was arrested in China
Escaped to Seoul

When you walk to the edge of the world
Anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

When you're ready to leave everything
Then anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

You feel like you can't make it
You're not alone
'cause I've walked to the edge of the world
Now I'm ready to see my Lord

If you're ready to walk by faith
Anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

Maybe angels, you'll entertain
If anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

why we do what we do

2008-10-16T23:46:00.002Z

it's easy to forgot in the monotony of the day to day why you do what you do.
this was a reminder for me, and gets me excited about the part I get to play!

check out STUDENT LIFE for more cool stuff

Give It Away

2008-10-15T02:04:00.003Z

Blog Action Day 2008
POVERTY

When I learned about this day and started thinking about Poverty-what I've seen, how I feel, what I'm doing in my own life-I was reminded of Africa.

The kids whose parents thought they were fat. But they actually had distended bellies from malnutrition. And whose hair had turned red. Another sign of malnutrition.
The guys on the side of the road whose bodies had been mangled. Some of them as a result of inoculations they received as kids. Some as a result of war. Some born with disabilities.

I have a picture in my head from my time in Nigeria that I promised myself I'd never forget. A picture of young man running as fast as he could down the road to catch up with our van. Only hoping we'd buy a sack of apples. I can't even imagine a need that great.

The Lord has been challenging me lately to "give it away." My money, my time, my resources, my blessings. I'm not sure completely what that means. But as I mentioned in my last post, it's brought someone new into my life through Compassion International.

I was blessed to have the opportunity to meet Michelle Tolentino, a graduate of the Compassion Program. Such a sweet spirit, and amazing story of how the Lord changed her life by removing her from poverty and showing her His love through the program and her relationship with her sponsor. She's a student at Moody Bible Institute and isn't able to work while she's in school. She truly challenged me by sharing with me that she gave up half of her meal plan at the school cafeteria to sponser her second child through the program.

Check out what Compassion does here, and pray about becoming part of a child's life...

catalyst

2008-10-11T16:09:00.002Z

I got back from a work trip to a conference last night. I have to admit I wasn't stoked about this trip. But, it ended up being a really good time.

1. The Pop n' Lock champion from this years So You Think You Can Dance was there. And I got to see him do his stuff.

2. Dinner at Dante's Down the Hatch. Fondue. Yummm....

3. Dave Ramsey speaking on Leadership.

4. Matt Chandler. Enough said.

5. Working at the Compassion tent and getting to see sooo many kids get sponsors.

6. Sponsoring my first Compassion child. Marashet Simon, a three year old from Ethiopia. So cute I can't handle it.

earth from above

2008-10-07T12:38:00.001Z

This is sooo cool. Check it out and learn a little about our super cool world.

Speak O Lord

2008-10-03T01:53:00.002Z

Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend

Speak, O Lord, as we come to You
To receive the food of Your Holy Word.
Take Your truth, plant it deep in us;
Shape and fashion us in Your likeness,
That the light of Christ might be seen today
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith.
Speak, O Lord, and fulfill in us
All Your purposes for Your glory.

Teach us, Lord, full obedience,
Holy reverence, true humility;
Test our thoughts and our attitudes
In the radiance of Your purity.
Cause our faith to rise; cause our eyes to see
Your majestic love and authority.
Words of pow'r that can never fail—
Let their truth prevail over unbelief.

Speak, O Lord, and renew our minds;
Help us grasp the heights of Your plans for us—
Truths unchanged from the dawn of time
That will echo down through eternity.
And by grace we'll stand on Your promises,
And by faith we'll walk as You walk with us.
Speak, O Lord, till Your church is built
And the earth is filled with Your glory.

in the vineyard

2008-10-03T01:35:00.002Z

I've been thinking a lot about Marcy's post...

This past Sunday my Priest (that sounds weird to say, but explanations may come later, anyways...) was preaching on a passage in Matthew. The Parable of Two Sons.

"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard. 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go. "Which of the two did what his father wanted?" "The first," they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.
Matthew 21.28-32

I've been thinking, a lot. About the reality that if we are His, we'll be in the vineyard working. Sometimes we won't feel like going. After all, it's dirty and exhausting work. But at the end of the day, what we want is to please our Father. So we go...

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
Revelation 2. 4,5a

done living

2008-10-01T18:40:00.000Z

by Justin McRoberts

Well, I spent the whole night fighting
Fighting with some ghost
And when the break of morning found me
I'd both won and lost

You see the question isn't are you going to suffer any more
But what will it have meant when you are through?
The question isn't are you going to die, you're going to die
But will you be done living when you do?

Yes, I spent the whole day running
Trying to catch the sun
But when the darkness overtook me
All my running had made me strong

So run till you cannot take a single step in strength
Then crawl on your hands and knees, till your hands and knees they ache
And when you cannot crawl
It will be me you call to carry you back home again.

death by love

2008-10-01T15:49:00.000Z

a new book that looks worth the read...

the truth we profess

2008-09-20T00:37:00.004Z

this image haunts me...

you can find this image and others documenting Ramadan 2008 here

Muslim's around the world are observing their holy month of Ramadan. During this month they fast and pray. This includes fasting from sunrise to sunset, literally using a black string to distinguish these moments in time. Many of them will not even swallow their own spit during the day...unbelievable devotion to a god who cannot save. Hoping that on the day of judgment the scale is heavier with good than bad. Pray that in their prayers Almighty God will reveal Himself to them, through dreams and visions if necessary.

Praying that He'll allow us to be part of reaping the harvest,

Amber

ART MUSIC JUSTICE

2008-09-15T23:10:00.002Z

check it out...and if you've never heard of NoiseTrade, consider this your introduction.

Loves Like a Hurricane, I am a Tree

2008-09-12T01:02:00.002Z

found this here while I was looking for lyrics...lyrics are part of original post.

Dear God,

I'm gonna write this like you don't already know. And thoughts that don't line up neatly might make a little more sense on this screen.

I know we don't talk much these days. You're mostly ignored, save for some unguarded moments right before sleep. I've been busy dodging your calls and looking for hurdles to put in your path. But thoughts of you still slip in quiet, like when traffic surprisingly opens or gets out of my way. And you came back to mind in the middle of a movie today.

I don't have big reasons like war or the poor to stubbornly push you away. If we all sat and counted our hardships mine wouldn't stack up that tall. And that says more than a little about how easy I find it to fall. I've just got me and my everyday problems, and they don't even hold up that well. So I don't understand why I don't boomerang back to your side. Even when my head's alright with the thought, my heart is just shrugging and not really up for the ride.

Most of the folks that I love in this world have you in common. And if not for your church then we'd never have met. So when they ask how I'm doing it feels like I'm betraying some confidence. I used to sing songs with my hands held up high, but these days it's like scheduling time for the dentist. For the life of me I can't find one good reason to have lost trust in you. But that's how it is, and I was hoping we could do something about that.

I miss the looking forward to you. With all these feelings of falling and changing, I miss the gravity of you.

david

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane - I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

When all of a sudden I am unaware
These afflictions eclipse my glory
and I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me

yeah, he loves us - whoa how he loves us so
whoa how he loves us
whoa how he loves us

we are his portion and he is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
if grace is an ocean - we're all sinking
so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that he loves us

~ How He Loves Us, John Mark McMillan

a dissatisfied Messiah

2008-09-11T13:23:00.000Z

i found this here: firstimportance.org

“The One on whom we wait is a dissatisfied Messiah. He will not relent, he will not quit, he will not rest until ever promise he has made been fully delivered. He will not turn from his work until every one of his children has been totally transformed. He will continue to fight until the last enemy is under his feet. He will reign until his kingdom has fully come. As long as sin exists, he will shower us with forgiving, empowering, and delivering grace.

He will defend us against attack and attack the enemy on our behalf. He will be faithful to convict, rebuke, encourage, and comfort. He will continue to open the warehouse of his wisdom and unfold for us the glorious mysteries of his truth. He will stand with us through the darkness and the light. He will guide us on a path we could never have discovered or would never have been wise enough to choose. He will supply for us every good thing that we need to be what he’s called us to be and to do what he’s called us to do in the place where he’s put us.

And he will not rest from his work until every last microbe of sin has been completely eradicated from every heart of each of his children!”

—Paul David Tripp, “Psalm 27: Inner Strength”

MIA

2008-09-11T02:05:00.002Z

I haven't been around a lot recently. I haven't fallen off the face...just been busy. Mostly learning, and thinking...
Hopefully soon there will be words.

Glorious Day

2008-09-09T13:08:00.000Z

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises,
One day when sin was as black as could be,
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin,
Dwelt among men, my Example is He!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain,
One day they nailed Him to die on the tree;
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected:
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He!

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer,
One day the stone rolled away from the door;
Then He arose, over death He had conquered;
Now is ascended, my Lord for evermore!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming,
One day the skies with His glories will shine;
Wonderful day, my beloved ones bringing;
Glorious Savior, this Jesus is mine!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

O glorious day!
O glorious day!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

i wanna sing a song

2008-08-18T02:15:00.002Z

since I haven't posted any new music in a while....

PSALM 62
Stuart Townsend and Aaron Keyes

My soul finds rest in God alone, My Rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes, And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse, And lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness, I’ll look to Him who hears me.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go, Don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow are harvested in heaven.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone, and trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul, and He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath, a sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death and I am His forever.

and a short chorus from Hillsong...

the same power the conquered the grave, lives in me, lives in me

the same love the rescued the earth, lives in me, lives in me

can I be perfectly honest?

2008-08-06T12:15:00.003Z

I'm learning something about myself...something big.

I'm afraid. I don't mean your average afraid. Not afraid of snakes, or planes, or the dark (although I am afraid of the dark).

I'm afraid of life.

I'm afraid of failure. Afraid of missing the mark. And messing everything up. Afraid of not being smart enough. Afraid of expectations. I'd rather you just not expect anything, I don't know how much I have to give. Afraid of love. Loving others and being loved. Afraid of change. The unknown. Afraid of me. Afraid of you. Afraid of what you'd say if you knew. Afraid I'll miss the plan. And miss out on my whole purpose. Afraid of disappointment. Of disappointing or being disappointed. Afraid of who you might really be. Afraid I'll make the wrong choice. Afraid I'm not pretty enough. That I don't fit the mold. Afraid I'll never figure it out. Afraid if I follow, there will be only pain.

For a long time I've been sitting in the corner, in the dark, afraid. But the Lord is shining His light in...and revealing the deep fears. The light hurts my eyes...but once I'm awake, I've adjusted...Lord, I wanna be brave...help me set my face like a flint and walk straight towards you. No fear, only faith...because perfect love casts out fear!

commission

2008-08-02T15:15:00.000Z

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered and honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?"

-David Livingstone

two things

2008-07-31T20:58:00.000Z

My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner and that Christ is a great Savior.
John Newton

No Scar?

2008-07-30T15:18:00.001Z

this has been on my heart, so I'm sharing...

by Amy Carmichael

Hast thou no scar?
No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?
I hear thee sung as mighty in the land,
I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star,
Hast thou no scar?

Hast thou no wound?
Yet I was wounded by the archers, spent,
Leaned Me against a tree to die; and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned:
Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?
Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,
And pierced are the feet that follow Me;
But thine are whole: can he have followed far
Who has no wound nor scar?

more music, all the time

2008-07-29T23:59:00.001Z

Watch Over Me
by Aaron Shust

I was lonely
You came waltzing over to me
And Your eyes they saw right through me
And You heard each one of my cries for help
And You came to rescue me
I was broken
Every prayer that I had spoken
Reached Your ears and all my tears weren’t cried in vain
You carried all my pain
And put me back together again
You watch over me in the darkest valleys
You watch over me when the night seems long
You help me to see the way before me
You watch over me; You watch over me
Always faithful
To be leading, at this moment
Interceding for Your children
Though I’ve wandered astray from Your infinite ways
You’ve never left me alone
Take my frozen heart; awaken me
Never once have You forsaken me
Even though I walk through this shadow of death
You will guide and defend me
You’ll guard and protect me
Even though I walk through this shadow of death
You will lead me home

living like eternity is at risk

2008-07-27T21:25:00.004Z

...cause it is!

I am speaking the truth in Christ-I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness ion the Holy Spirit-that I have great sorry and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.
Romans 9.1-3

I don't know about you, but I don't live this way. Not only do I not live this way, I don't even think this way. Ever. I've never had such great compassion for the nations, for my neighbors, that I'd give up my own eternity for their sake.

If all of this is true...
for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith...Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with god through our Lord Jesus Christ...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us...Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God...Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!...For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do...
Romans

and this is true...
And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever, and they have no rest, day or night...
Revelation

and this....
1 billion people have never heard the name of Christ
at least 4.5 billion have never encountered Christ

what are we waiting for? how can I not be willing to jump into the chasm of eternity when so many have never known this great love!

We've found someone worth risking it all!

can't somebody do something about this guy?

2008-07-26T01:58:00.001Z

Sudanese warning on peacekeepers

Sudan has again warned it cannot guarantee the safety of UN and African Union peacekeepers in Darfur if its president is indicted for war crimes.

A presidential adviser said that if the International Criminal Court indicted Omar al-Bashir, Sudan could not be held responsible for the troops' well-being.

Earlier this month, the ICC prosecutor asked judges in The Hague to issue an arrest warrant for President Bashir.

The judges are expected to announce their decision in a few weeks' time.

The adviser, Bona Malual, told the BBC the government was not expelling the joint UN/AU force (Unamid), or even threatening the troops.

It was, he said, simply saying how Sudan would view the situation.

Seven UN peacekeepers were killed in an ambush in northern Darfur the week before the prosecutor's request.

Visas in question

Mr Malual, a veteran south Sudanese politician, was speaking in Ethiopia, which he is visiting as part of Sudan's diplomatic offensive against the indictment.

He was more forthright than any other Sudanese spokesman has been so far about the effect a possible indictment might have on peacekeeping and humanitarian operations in Darfur, says the BBC's Elizabeth Blunt in the Ethiopian capital, Addis Ababa.

Mr Malual suggested Unamid could become a kind of Trojan Horse, bringing the threat of arrest into Sudan's own sovereign territory.

He said it meant that the government could not be held responsible for the security and well-being of the peacekeepers and other foreign nationals in Darfur.

It was not a question of asking them to withdraw, he said, but if they did not take this seriously, and left their people in Darfur and anything happened to them, then it was their own responsibility.

The only thing the government might do, he added, would be to cancel the visas and permits they needed to remain in the country.

Story from BBC NEWS

Hosanna

2008-07-21T13:49:00.001Z

hopefully y'all like music as much as I do...

by Hillsong United

I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

come for me

2008-07-20T18:00:00.001Z

by Charlie Hall

Jesus come take me away, I long to see Your face
This world is broken yet beautifully made,
Jesus come take me away
Jesus I’ll patiently wait, till like a vapor I’ll fade
Help me fulfill all your dreams for these days,
Jesus I’ll patiently wait

You’ll come again with a shout,
like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the voice I have followed for life
has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me, no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
just lost and consumed with my glorious King,

And you’ll come for me

Jesus today I am tired, I need your music to come and inspire
I give myself to be refined in this fire,
but Jesus today I’m so tired

Come for me

my testimony in song

2008-07-20T04:00:00.002Z

I was listening to this with a friend today. She'd never heard it. I used to listen to it on repeat. I remembered why. The lyrics are powerful. And just as true today as they were 11 years ago when Jesus grabbed my heart.

Martyrs and Thieves
by Jennifer Knapp

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win

Can you hear me?

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...

brave

2008-07-19T21:08:00.000Z

"Here is one choice that our Father wants us to understand as Christians – and I believe it is the choice of our age. Do we want to be brave or safe? Gently, lovingly – our heavenly Father wants us to know that we simply can’t be both."
— Gary Haugen, International Justice Mission

a year ago today...

2008-07-18T02:02:00.002Z

A year ago today I was getting ready for my sister's wedding. Lots of excitement. Lots to do.

It's funny to look back to that week. I had absolutely no idea that the next week would bring the beginning of what has been the hardest year of my life. But also, one of the best. I've seen the Lord show up in ways only He can. Prove Himself in ways I never could have imagined. Given me opportunities I never would have dared praying for.

He's answering prayers I gave up praying. (healing in my family, an opportunity to write, to live in Virginia-for a short time at least)

Still so much is unsure. But He is sure. His promises never fail. His love never ends.

And He loves me. The chief of sinners. So often unprepared for the attacks of the enemy. Un-trusting. Unyielding in my push for "what I want out of life."

I still need a lot of prayer. A long road still stretches before me. But I know He'll be with me every step. He always has been...

rollin' with the homies

2008-07-15T01:30:00.002Z

a fun filled Friday night with fabulous friends...

at Sekisui for Heather's birthday
yumm...Sushi pizza!

at Java and Jams with Jen
cause we look like sisters?

slavery

2008-07-15T00:43:00.004Z

"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6.12

The Lord has surrounded me with situations, people I love dearly or friends/family of loved ones who are struggling with an addiction. Something in their life that has mastered them. Taken them into slavery. I can't help but wonder, what am I supposed to learn...

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!
1 Corinthians 10.12

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to God; if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth-- you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written: "God's name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you."
Romans 2.1-3, 17-24

They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
2 Peter 2.19

big news?

2008-07-14T20:53:00.001Z

Sudan Leader is Accused of Genocide

PARIS — The prosecutor at the International Criminal Court on Monday formally requested an arrest warrant for Sudan’s president, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, on charges of genocide and crimes against humanity committed during the last five years of bloodshed in his country’s Darfur region.

Announcing the request, the prosecutor, Luis Moreno-Ocampo, said that Mr. Bashir “masterminded and implemented” a plan to destroy three main ethnic groups in Darfur, the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa. Using government soldiers and Arab militias, the president “specifically and purposefully targeted civilians” belonging to these groups, killing 35,000 people “outright” in attacks on towns and villages.

“His motives were largely political,” the prosecutor said. “His alibi was a ‘counterinsurgency.’ His intent was genocide.”

Mr. Moreno-Ocampo, of Argentina, said the Sudanese president had turned against civilians after failing to defeat a rebellion, and that the genocide consisted of more than direct killing. “Al-Bashir organized the destitution, insecurity and harassment of the survivors,” he said. “He did not need bullets. He used other weapons: rapes, hunger and fear. As efficient, but silent.”

At a news conference at the court in The Hague in the Netherlands, he said that he handed over his evidence on Monday morning to the three judges who will decide whether to issue an arrest warrant. An answer to the request is expected in the fall, lawyers at the court said.

But if the past is any guidance, the judges may well sign the arrest warrant. They have signed all 11 warrants the prosecutor has requested since he took office five years ago.

Genocide charges are the gravest any court can bring, and the prosecutor is expected to implicate others at the top of the Sudanese government.

The action against Mr. Bashir marks the first time the prosecutor of International Criminal Court has brought genocide charges against anyone. It is also the first time the prosecutor has brought charges against a sitting head of state since it opened its doors in 2002. Two other presidents, Slobodan Milosevic of Serbia and Charles Taylor of Liberia, were both charged by other international war crimes courts, also while they were in office.

But the request for a warrant against Mr. Bashir, whose regime has repeatedly ignored international requests to stop attacking civilians, seemed unlikely to lead to his arrest in the short term.

Mr. Bashir has scoffed at two arrest warrants the court has already issued against two other Sudanese officials, even promoting one of them to minister of humanitarian affairs.

The government of Sudan immediately rejected the accusations and said it would fight the charges through legal means.

“We will resist this,” said Rabie A. Atti, a Sudanese government spokesman. “Everybody in Sudan — the government, the people, even the opposition parties — are against this.”

He argued that Mr. Bashir was innocent and that the international court was “a stooge” for Sudan’s enemies.

He said the government was appointing a team of African and Arab lawyers to handle the case, and made it clear that the government would not vent its outrage on the thousands of United Nations and African Union peacekeepers in Sudan or aid workers.

“Nothing will happen to the U.N. because of this,” he said. “We will handle this with our legal advocates.”

A key question is whether the United Nations Security Council will intervene in this case. The council itself in 2005 asked the court to investigate the Darfur crisis, but it has the authority to suspend an investigation or prosecution for a one-year period. Since the prosecutor notified United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon last week of his plan to bring charges against Mr. Bashir, council members have met privately, with China and Russia warning that a direct move against the Sudanese president would jeopardize any future peace talks.

In Sudan, United Nations aid workers and peacekeepers worried that seeking a warrant for the president’s arrest could hinder their work and prompt reprisals against their personnel. In response, they stepped up security in Darfur, pulling out all but the most essential civilians. Other aid organizations have temporarily evacuated some of their staff from Darfur to the capital, Khartoum. A spokesman for Doctors Without Borders said that some of their staff had been threatened, although no one had been expelled.

But others have argued the action would provide a new opening to re-start blocked peace talks.

John Prendergast, a former Clinton administration official who co-founded Enough, a group that seeks to end genocide, dismissed the argument that indicting Mr. Bashir would torpedo the chances for peace in Darfur.

“The peace process is dead,” he said. “There is no process, and even more importantly, there is no leverage. Suddenly, a new variable has entered the equation in the form of the request for an arrest warrant,” he said. “While the I.C.C. judges consider this request over the next two months, there is a new point of major leverage over Bashir.”

He added: “Everyone knows what the issues are that need to be addressed. What has been missing is leadership and leverage. Suddenly, we have one of the two. Let’s see if Washington and Beijing can work together to provide the other.”

The prosecutor, in a interview before his announcement, said he was aware that some diplomats and commentators wanted him to delay his action, arguing that peace was more important at this point than justice. But he seemed undeterred.

“Some people have said that for me to intervene at this point is shocking,” he said in a recent telephone interview. “I say what is going on now is shocking. Genocide is going on now and it is endangering the lives of many more people.”

At first, the prosecutor said, the government attacked from the air, and used militia on the ground to destroy villages. “They kill men, children, elderly, women; they subject women and girls to massive rapes,” the prosecution says. “They burn and loot the villages.”

Such violence has displaced “almost the entire population” of the targeted ethnic groups, the prosecution contends.

“Now the attacks are on the refugee camps,” Mr. Moreno-Ocampo said in the interview. “And the government is hindering humanitarian aid as part of its plan.”

In a ten-page summary provided Monday, the prosecutor laid out the case, drawing a tough portrait of Mr. Bashir’s actions and seeking to show his personal responsibility for crimes committed in Darfur since 2003 until today. The prosecution says it has tracked all the known attacks between 2003 and 2008, outlining the government’s genocidal strategy to attack the towns and villages of the people from the tribes, while sparing those from other tribes considered aligned with the government.

The prosecutor’s charges include three counts of genocide for killing members of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa ethnic groups; five counts of crimes against humanity for murder, extermination, forcible transfer, torture and rape; and two counts of war crimes for attacks on civilian populations in Darfur and for pillaging towns and villages.

To obtain an arrest order, the prosecutor must provide credible information, but not prove the crimes as he would have in order to obtain a conviction at trial.

But Mr. Moreno-Ocampo said he had “very strong evidence that al-Bashir controlled everything, the generals, the intelligence, the ministers, the media. The janjaweed militia called him directly for instructions.”

Lawyers close to the court said that Western governments, under the continuing pressure of public opinion, may have assisted with the investigation — providing intelligence such as aerial surveys and electronic eavesdropping. “It is obvious that something must be done, the peace process has stalled and the humanitarian disaster only keeps growing,” a European diplomat said.

Peacekeepers in the region, there as part of a hybrid United Nations and African Union force, are particularly vulnerable to government retaliation, diplomats and analysts say. For months before their deployment, the Sudanese government had resisted merging a weak and under-equipped African Union mission with a United Nations force, arguing that United Nations troops would simply be used to execute arrest warrants for the international court.

Seven peacekeepers were killed in an ambush last week, and the force has been struggling to simply protect itself.

In the vast, restive camps of displaced people in Darfur, there has been support for the international court. But Julie Flint, an independent researcher who has written extensively about Darfur, said that protests within the camps would likely provoke a harsh response from Sudanese security forces.

“The camps are my biggest worry,” Ms. Flint said. “They could explode into violence.”

Even if the government of Sudan did not retaliate violently against to the announcement, it could make life harder for the displaced people of Darfur and the people trying to help them “in a thousand ways,” Ms. Flint said. “They can slow down permits. Make visas impossible to get. They can make an already difficult job impossible.”

The government has made no secret of its desire to see displaced people in Darfur leave the sprawling camps that are home to 2 million of people whose villages were attacked in the conflict.

“There is a great deal of concern that the camps will be vulnerable in this period,” said one senior aid official in Sudan, speaking anonymously to avoid retribution. “The government has been looking for a reason to shut them down.”

Marlise Simons reported from Paris and Jeffrey Gettleman from Nairobi. Lydia Polgreen contributed reporting from Dakar and Alan Cowell from London.

prayers

2008-07-10T02:31:00.002Z

the Lord is really moving in the life of my church. big things are happening. and the enemy has taken this time to have a field day. this scripture seems quite appropriate and the Lord really has it on my heart.

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. Rom 1.18-32

We learned about personal evangelism on Sunday. A much needed reminder that I actually "owe" the nations the gospel. This song came on when I was driving home and it really struck me based on what I'd just learned.

God of this City, by Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You Are

You're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

interesting

2008-07-08T21:14:00.004Z

apparently this guy is like THE GUY when it comes to oil in America. good to think about!

since our abuse of fuel has led to bio-fuel options which starve the already starving nations, I'm ready to listen to any good ideas!

quote

2008-07-06T04:30:00.000Z

Although I am an unworthy and condemned man, my God has given me in Christ all the riches of righteousness and salvation without any merit on my part, out of pure, free mercy, so that from now on I need nothing except faith which believes that this is true. Why should I not therefore freely, joyfully, with all my heart, and with an eager will do all things which I know are pleasing and acceptable to such a Father who has overwhelmed me with his inestimable riches?
Martin Luther

desert song

2008-07-04T16:57:00.000Z

by Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow.

monuments built on the brink

2008-06-30T02:23:00.002Z

I've got too many to count. And I'm sure you do too.

Times when all hope was lost. When you felt like you couldn't take one more step, breathe one more breath, wake up for one more day. You were on the brink.

But then, the Lord showed up. Most likely in a very unexpected way.
A new friend, who really did understand.
An unexpected refund from your car insurance when you weren't sure how you would put food on the table tomorrow.
A moment of perfect peace, in the middle of a raging storm.
A new treatment, for an old disease.

A stream in your figurative desert. . .
A monument built.

And your situation may not have changed permanently. But your perspective on that situation sure did.

I'd love to hear about one of your moments. A time when the Father showed up. And about your monument of remembrance. . .

let me sing

2008-06-28T14:44:00.002Z

by Caedmon's Call

I will sing for the meek
For those who pray with their very lives for peace
Though they're in chains for a higher call
Their mourning will change into laughter when the nations fall

In spirit poor
In mercy rich
They hunger for Your righteousness
Their hearts refined in the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing

amazing

2008-06-26T19:11:00.002Z

okay, this is random, but I totally love it. so I wanted to share!

the darkest night

2008-06-24T01:50:00.003Z

I feel like this thought isn't finished, but the Lord is the one who is going to have to finish it, so for now...

the waves threaten
my boat is tossed
no land I see
my hope is lost

but Jesus my Savior
comes to me

I'm in despair
of life itself
my tears are food
there's nothing else

but Jesus my Savior
comes to me

yep. . .

2008-06-17T15:56:00.001Z

reading this, my thoughts go to close friends in great pain. pain that the Lord is and will use to make His name great. . .

“Whom God would use greatly He will hurt deeply.”
- A.W. Tozer

a hero's secrets

2008-06-16T00:11:00.003Z

my Pa, my hero

So, I went out to spend some time with the fam for Father's Day. It was a little crazy inside so I escaped to the porch with my Pa, who just so happens to be my hero.

He likes to talk about birds.

baby birds in a nest he rescued

and their daddy bringing food

I like to ask questions about his life. Today I found out that he was a track star. But got expelled from school after graduation because he cussed out his track coach for not putting him on the list to go to a state meet in Huntsville, AL. Even though he was the best runner on the team.
Instead of going to his graduation he hitchhiked from about 2 hrs away to Birmingham to join the Navy. It was the day before his 18th birthday. Not long after he was on a train to San Francisco.

Hysterical. And not surprising.

me and Elise, who looks so much like me when I was little
scary!

with my granny who I look so much like-scary!